2 Classics - 1 Weekend

This weekend brought me back to Red Rocks to see Bob Dylan...I was still amazed by the beauty of the place... but this time I sat farther back and my view of the stage included the city of Denver in the background... watching the lights come on all over the city while listening to Bob Dylan well... that's pretty cool! It was amazing to see Bob Dylan!...I hadn't seen him since I was 16... his voice is shot... and he made no connection with the audience...he didn't even introduce his amazing band until the 1st encore... but the songs he sang and the fact that he wrote music that was so important to an entire generation... well... I was blown away... from "Everybody must get Stoned"...(and trust me... they did!) , "Tangled up in Blue", "Don't Think Twice", to "All Along the Watchtower"... I just kept saying to myself... "that's Bob Dylan"...WOW!!! Another great show in a great place...

Saturday... I had to get my copy of Harry Potter... someone told me that the college book store would be a good place to buy the book... as there are not a lot of students on campus yet... and the book store would have plenty of books... so I did... (paid full price... yikes) and I had my book! I ran all the errands that I needed to... I went to Costco... (the book was 1/2 the price), got my snacks, and by 6:30 -7:00 I was settled in... I continued reading until I finished the book at 9pm on Sunday... It was delicious, fabulous, wonderful!... It was pure luxury to sit and read a good book for the entire weekend! Now... I'm having a little Harry Potter withdrawl...hmmm... maybe I'll start ll over again when I get my things...
Anyway... 2 classics... 1 weekend... pretty cool..

I've got to admit it's getting better...

A little better all the time...
I love The Beatles.... and while I'm not an angry young man... and I haven't been cruel... that part of the chorus certainly seems apt... I have had my sad Boulder moments... but as a friend reminded me the other day... we do tend to write when feeling down... so I thought it would be good to write when things are going well... and they are... things really are getting better... a little better all the time... (can't get much worse...).I've learned so much about myself being here... my likes and dislikes... what I can tolerate and what I can't... but the biggest thing I've learned is really about being on my own.. .while I know that being alone too much doesn't really renew my spirit... I've learned that I can appreciate and not fear being alone... I was reminded that one needs to learn to be completely comfortable being alone... and after my lowest point, I think that I am comfortable in that...so ..."a little better all the time..."

Red Rocks Rocks!!

Last night I went to see Lyle Lovett at Red Rocks Amphitheatre... What an amazing place.... 2 huge sandstone monoliths on either side and a sandstone backdrop form the natural amphitheatre. In reading the history of the place... there were performances there as far back as the early 1900's. The CCC and WPA built the permanent structures and it was officially opened in 1941. The woman that sat next to me said the acoustics are so good that when exploring the place ( and you can come anytime) if you stand on the stage, speak and be heard at the back.
So imagine the natural beauty, the stars in the Colorado night sky, and top it all off.... fabulous music.... well that would have been enough... but there is more... we got back stage passes and met Lyle Lovett!! what a gracious man... not only talented...but warm and friendly.... We were hanging out downstairs in the room where the band members and their guests meet and we were getting ready to leave... Lyle Lovett came over with his hand extended and said "Hi, I'm Lyle" I was my usual stammering self... How cool was that! Pretty darn cool!

Sobbing at 6,000'

When will I learn from my mistakes... when will I be able to reveal my feelings as mine without hurting another... I just don't know... God, I hope it's soon... I pray make it soon... I guess the one positive thing is... ( and that is certainly backhanded for I don't really see any positive!) I did say how I feel... but ultimately it was not quite correct or true ... for how I truly feel is much more painful than what I was able to reveal at that time... I feel alone, without a "touch-stone" in the world... with out a place in the world... in a beautiful place, but not belonging...feeling like ... this is the place I'm supposed to be, but not knowing where I fit... and no one to share it with... that was part of how great Ali's visit was... I could show her this amazing place... I could share that with her... Maybe that exacerbated, or intensified how alone I felt when she was gone... Maybe the lesson I should learn is Never, ever, under any circumstances, push the send button... I can't believe the lesson is to never share your feelings... how do you do that?... I guess it's very tricky... when do you feel safe enough to reveal? ... how do you do it without hurting someone else?... not having much experience in that area, I just don't know... I don't know what to do with that pain... I take responsibility for what I did... I cant take it back... it's out there... and I can't really make it better...

So I guess the lesson is in loss.... now that is something I have already experienced a lot of... familiar territory for me... all too familiar...

I took a hike today... it was hot... and the trail looked really different in just the week from when I had last hiked it... but maybe it was just my frame of mind... I'm just soooo incredibly sad... I am sad for the mistake I made, I'm sad that I hurt a friend... and at the very bottom of this sadness... is the ultimate truth... I am lonely!!! this is not how I get my energy... I miss my friend... that would have been the proper and correct thing to say... yes I believe what I said... but at the bottom... here is the truth... I feel that way out of loneliness....out of missing them... out of my loss of contact and that "touch-stone"...

So the good thing about hiking alone... and being on this particular trail is... you can just sit down and sob... I mean wail... and only the birds, lizards, mountains, trees, rocks, and grass can hear... and so... that is exactly what I did....and I the mountain answered... with dark clouds and thunder.... I made it to the top and back down before the rain...

After I got to the bottom and to the car... after I had prayed and pleaded with God to help me... to answer me... to show me what to do... I headed up the canyon to Nederland... because... I couldn't make a left turn to go home so, I thought ... "well I'll make a right and turn around when I can"... but I didn't turn around... I just kept driving... up and up... driving toward the sunshine and clean air... When I arrived in Nederland... I went to the rock shop, then on to the deli... where ... surprise surprise... someone knew me... from the dentist office! He made me a great sandwich. I then went to the stained glass shop and met Susane again... I met her briefly last month... she told me her story of coming to CO... leaving her home and friends and career to be here... that sounded very familiar... When I walked into her shop today... she greeted me with a big hug... and I cried again... this time at 8200'...

I believe God puts people in our paths...You know, I think maybe that's my lesson...My lesson is to reach out... I'm just not very good at it yet... I reached out in one way... and it turned out that I hurt someone because I didn't do in the proper way... I reached out in another way by driving to Nederland and going to Susane's shop.... I left with a couple of stained glass pieces... a new mantra that she gave me... and a new connection....

I ended the day in Nederland with a couple of beers, listening to music, and watching the sunset over the Rockies. That was beautiful...

The sadness is still here... so are the tears... I'm crying still... but... I'm open... I'm broken down... I guess... I'm ready....I'm listening... I'm hopeful....I'm thankful...