4 weeks + 1 day-possibilities

I think I have to revise something from my last entry. It is not Friendship that I miss.. I have that ... I mean I have many wonderful friends that I keep in touch with... so I did misspeak (lol... if that's a word) I miss companionship... that is really more of it... I miss the "hey what are you doing tonight? do you want to _____ fill in the blank... But here is thing that I realized as a new day dawned... I have felt that way for a long, long, long time... Terry and I would debate the idea of companionship often... For me, it feels like a void in my soul....Sure, I could "cover up" the void in any number of ways...I would call, go, do, and then the void was ignored or I was distracted from it for a while... but I was none the less trying to "fill the void". Here, so far from familiar surroundings, I can't distract myself from it... It is here, it exists, it is mine... and I feel it, there are no distractions from it. I believe in so many ways, it was the impetus of the journey... So I think the answer is to maybe embrace it, care for it, nurture it... heal... and then "live as if"... as if everything I've wanted is already here... Just that thought makes me smile....I believe it is my blessing... it is the thing that will "take me to the next place in my life"
Here is a new day... the sky is a brilliant Boulder Blue, the clouds are big and puffy, people are out and about celebrating ... Bolder Boulder (10K race) is underway, with a variety of performers playing all over town... the mountain trail is there for the hiking... the possibilities are endless... and I am .... thankful for all that is before me and all that brought me here...

4 weeks in Boulder

So... today it's official... 4 weeks in Boulder... In these 4 weeks I have, found a place to live, found a job, tried to do some hiking, found a short term rental to get me thru to my official rental, and have done A LOT of shopping at Target! Boulder is a pretty cool town... I have managed to find my way around... it's small enough to do that... it's small enough that, if you see a unique character in one place... you notice them when you see them again in another place... The Flatirons are beautiful... The front range is breathtaking... each day, as I'm on my way to work, I look to my left, and see these amazing mountains as a back drop to life here... as I sit at the front desk of the DDs office and answer phones, I watch the storm clouds come over the mountains... but... it is lonely... I realized, after the 2nd week, why I was at Target everyday... It's a place that feels familiar to me... It reminds me of home... I can appreciate now, that the journey here, was the easy part... I thought that was the adventure... Nope... this... trying to create a life here, not knowing anyone... is the adventure... and it is the hardest thing I have ever done... Most days, I am excited by the prospect... I am comforted by the sight of the mountains and the sky... I have lunch most days at Whole Foods... and sit out with a book, eat and look at the mountains...But I will admit, I have had my breakdowns... I'm a social creature... I know that about me... I like people, I like time alone as well... but I also need social interactions... and that is just not here yet... Back home I had the choice of whether to be alone or not... here...no choice... alone it is... Maybe that's part of the test... to see if I really can "be alone" maybe that's what I need to prove to myself... I can "be alone", I can create a life that is mine... hmmmm.... well I am optimistic... most days... but after 4 weeks... the beauty of the mountains, the clear sky... the crisp air... is great... but ... I miss my life... I miss my friends... I miss people to go out with... I have driven across 2/3-3/4 of the country myself... I've learned to go to dinner alone... I've learned to go sight seeing alone... I've learned to go to festivals and fairs alone... I haven't learned to go to a bar alone yet... but I find that I miss doing those things with a friend. I miss conversations with friends... thank goodness friends from home still do call me... so I still have those conversation... I hope they don't dwindle all together... I have a great opportunity to explore here, and I am doing that, this is something totally new... and I do believe new is good... but as my brother said to me... "You're a homey... get out and have fun!" I realize that I am a homey... and I'm trying to get out and have fun... but ... I miss FRIENDSHIP!! I didn't realize how hard that would be for me. I thought that I'm an outgoing person... I would make friends... and I feel positive that I will... but... not yet... not in 4 weeks...
so while I feel like I've accomplished alot in these 4 weeks... there is sooo much more to go...
I have faith that it will come... I'm open to the possibilites of the world... I recognize that I can't go home... that I'm out here to create a home ... a life... I'm in a funny, in between place at the moment... A woman without a home... without a place to belong to... I feel it's out there waiting for me... I know it... I just have to find it... I just have to make it... or maybe... I just have to be and allow it to come to me...
4 weeks in Boulder... more to come

Santa Fe

Santa Fe was really beautiful....the drive from Albuquerque was beautiful... the mountains were beautiful, the sky was beautiful... that word just seems to become trite when trying to describe the scenery...but it's funny to look at all the pictures I was taking from the car as I was trying to drive... it just seemed at every turn... beauty was just all around... I arrived in Santa Fe after about an hour on the road from Albuquerque and getting gas and jewelery (lol) at the Santa Domingo Pueblo. I tried to check into the hotel, but the room was not ready yet, so I decided to go to Bandelier National Park...I love National Parks... and this was no exception! It's in the mountains and pine forest, and there are paths to the preserved pueblos. You can see pteroglyphs, kiva's and climb ladders to see inside. It was great... there is also a path that leads to a ceremonial kiva carved into the side of the mountain... there were 3 ladders to climb up 140' ... yikes!! you then reach the top and then climb down into the kiva... it was great... a hard climb for me... but i did it!!! thank goodness i was wearing a hat, so I could only see the next rung... i couldn't see up and I certainly wasn't looking down until I reached the top!! It took awhile to catch my breath once I reached the top.. I didn't realize till the next day, that Santa Fe is at an elevation of 7,00o'. So it wasn't entirely that I am sooo out of shape...anyway, after making my way down, (which is almost harder than climbing up), and hiking back to the car... I made my way back to the hotel, showered and went out on foot in search of a marguerita and food.... Ultimately I found both... walked back to the hotel and collapsed!!
I was so sick of being in my car, that the next day, I decided to cancel all the things on my agenday that had to do with driving and just hang out in the town...and it is a great little town... you can shop for hours....on the sidewalk at The Palace of Governors, Native Americans set out blankets with their wares, mostly jewelery, and it was great to browse... I, of course, had to buy a pair of turquoise earrings. They are beautiful... There was a HUGE thunderstorm so I ducked into the museum at the Palace of Governors, and learned a bit of the history of Santa Fe... which is fascinating.. the Palace of Governors was built in 1610 and is the oldest building that is still in continuous use... So many cultural influences there... Spanish... Native American... it was great... I felt bad that I didn't make it to all the places on my list, but I know that I will go back there... It was a very special place...
I found a great Tex Mex place for dinner... A local favorite... the best marguerittas and the food wasn't bad either...lol... instead of chips and salsa on the table tho... they had, not bread, but dough, like a soppapilla (?) with out the sweet... of course ... YUM!
I got up early the next morning.... I wanted to make it to Boulder to see Nick's lacrosse game, so I was in my car at 7:30, but in keeping with the "bad directions in New Mexico, I wasn't on the highway until 8:15. I will admit that at the 40 min mark of being lost, I was getting annoyed... lol. Just as I found a gas station to ask directions, I saw the highway sign...
Entering Colorado from the south is breath taking.... The mountains are amazing! the view is like the one etched ont he quarters... rugged, snow covered... amazing.... and even with getting lost... I made it in time to see 3/4 of the game...
I had arrived!!!