I've been in my new place for 4 weeks... and I love it! All the boxes are unpacked... the pictures are hung... the internet is connected... and I can say that I feel like "home"...
From the beginning... there was something that pulled me to this place... I put the contract on it the first time I saw it... My friend was right... "you'll know when you walk in"... and I did..
Now that my furniture is in... my clothes are in... my "stuff" is here... It is home... It just feels great... I walk in every day... and say "Thank you"... "I love my house"... Even the cats have settled in...
Yep... I'm "home" in Boulder...
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Tikkun
Tikkun is the Hebrew word for .... hmmmm... to fix... In Kabbalah...it means to correct....
The situation.. the parents ... the family... we are born into... is tikkun... for you are put in this family to learn... to learn the lessons you need in life from your parents... and vice versa ... our parents learn from their children... The idea that we enter into our families with a specific purpose is fascinating to me... We have adages that say something like well... "we can't choose our families but we can choose our friends"... This always appeared to me to be saying well... "whatever"... about our family and ... I will "fix - it" through my friendship choices...
But... what if I were to take this idea of tikkun to heart... what would it mean if instead of fixing my life without my family.. I adhered to the idea that I am supposed to learn from my parents and family... that I can't "fix" things unless I learn the lessons I was supposed to learn from the very beginning... It's a pretty common idea... It's like "building blocks"...that is what our families are..... the building blocks of our lives...
What if...
As my children grow into adulthood... I have felt that I straddle the worlds of being a parent and being an adult child of my parents... but what if I take that understanding and apply it to my fears... or to the issue that seems to be a constant to me...
Lost Connections...
I think... wow... I certainly have a lot of "lost connections"... but what if I apply the concept of Tikkun to it... I could start with the "connections" of my family.... and instead of saying ... Holy Shit... They are crazy!... Maybe it's time to recognize the lessons I have to learn... the lessons I can offer... and... the lessons they offer to me...
It would be as if I were embracing my fear... It would provide me the opportunity to learn... and maybe "move on"...
and maybe...
"Be Connected"...
The situation.. the parents ... the family... we are born into... is tikkun... for you are put in this family to learn... to learn the lessons you need in life from your parents... and vice versa ... our parents learn from their children... The idea that we enter into our families with a specific purpose is fascinating to me... We have adages that say something like well... "we can't choose our families but we can choose our friends"... This always appeared to me to be saying well... "whatever"... about our family and ... I will "fix - it" through my friendship choices...
But... what if I were to take this idea of tikkun to heart... what would it mean if instead of fixing my life without my family.. I adhered to the idea that I am supposed to learn from my parents and family... that I can't "fix" things unless I learn the lessons I was supposed to learn from the very beginning... It's a pretty common idea... It's like "building blocks"...that is what our families are..... the building blocks of our lives...
What if...
As my children grow into adulthood... I have felt that I straddle the worlds of being a parent and being an adult child of my parents... but what if I take that understanding and apply it to my fears... or to the issue that seems to be a constant to me...
Lost Connections...
I think... wow... I certainly have a lot of "lost connections"... but what if I apply the concept of Tikkun to it... I could start with the "connections" of my family.... and instead of saying ... Holy Shit... They are crazy!... Maybe it's time to recognize the lessons I have to learn... the lessons I can offer... and... the lessons they offer to me...
It would be as if I were embracing my fear... It would provide me the opportunity to learn... and maybe "move on"...
and maybe...
"Be Connected"...
Saturday, January 30, 2010
4 Agreements Revisited
I read that book last year... and it made quite an impact on me...The agreement about not taking anything personally especially resonated with me... I wondered ... "How does one Not take things personally?!" ... But now... I think I get it... If you operate from within my your own personal base... How people respond to you or don't respond really has no bearing on you... It does not mean that you are loved or not loved, a friend or not a friend... involved... or not... If you know ... in your heart and soul.. that you are doing your best... living the way you want...with your personal integrity and being the person you want to be ... if you can be happy and secure in that knowledge...then... all is good! Here is the kicker though.... that I just realized... If things change... I can only be responsible for me... LOL... I never got that before... If after all is said and done...if I have changed based on how others perceive or react to me... I'm only responsible for me... how I am...
For example...my relationship with my brother... I adore him... he's my baby brother... we are almost a decade apart... When I went off to college, he was still in elementary school... but ... we always had a bond... we were very close...I was there for him when his first marriage fell apart... and when I first realized that my marriage was going to fall apart... he was the only family member I reached out to... he sent me a ticket... and cared for me...
One of the reasons I felt I could make this move ... was that he would be here.. with his family... and I would have a "family" connection... That notion was quickly erased when I finally got here...
I have accepted that life has changed for him... that our relationship is different... but ... what is the consequence of that?...
well... what if I change how I reach out to him because of that? ... what am I responsible for? I feel ... I am responsible for just me... am I doing my best?...Yes... His change is not a reflection of me... It has nothing to do with me... It's about him... his life...his family... his stuff... I will continue to be me...
A friend asked me... "will things be the same between us?"... I answered ... "sure".... but that's not exactly true...I have been doing the same things I always did... The real answer maybe should have been... "If you want it to be"...for I will continue to be "me"....
As I look back to read what I wrote so many months ago... I realize what a hard thing it is... to not take things personally... but...what I also realize is that ... feelings will be hurt... there is no question about that .... it's really about ... how you recover... whether you "hold on to it"... or ... feel it... acknowledge it... nurture yourself... and then... Remember...
"Be your best"...
For example...my relationship with my brother... I adore him... he's my baby brother... we are almost a decade apart... When I went off to college, he was still in elementary school... but ... we always had a bond... we were very close...I was there for him when his first marriage fell apart... and when I first realized that my marriage was going to fall apart... he was the only family member I reached out to... he sent me a ticket... and cared for me...
One of the reasons I felt I could make this move ... was that he would be here.. with his family... and I would have a "family" connection... That notion was quickly erased when I finally got here...
I have accepted that life has changed for him... that our relationship is different... but ... what is the consequence of that?...
well... what if I change how I reach out to him because of that? ... what am I responsible for? I feel ... I am responsible for just me... am I doing my best?...Yes... His change is not a reflection of me... It has nothing to do with me... It's about him... his life...his family... his stuff... I will continue to be me...
A friend asked me... "will things be the same between us?"... I answered ... "sure".... but that's not exactly true...I have been doing the same things I always did... The real answer maybe should have been... "If you want it to be"...for I will continue to be "me"....
As I look back to read what I wrote so many months ago... I realize what a hard thing it is... to not take things personally... but...what I also realize is that ... feelings will be hurt... there is no question about that .... it's really about ... how you recover... whether you "hold on to it"... or ... feel it... acknowledge it... nurture yourself... and then... Remember...
"Be your best"...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)