The Agreements we make....

I am reading the most amazing book... It has been crossing my path for the last couple of months... and I when it came up again.... I realized that I was meant to find it and read it... It is called The Four Agreements... and I do believe that I have found a way to "let go"... The book is about "agreements" that we make with ourselves to either live our lives to their fullest, most joyful...or the agreements that we make that are made out of fear... and cause us pain...

He presents 4 that enable us to live with out fear... I am only on the second ...but I do believe that it is key to the idea of "letting-go"... It is to "Do not take anything personally"... I love this... it recognizes that people do and say things for their own reasons... If your feelings get hurt... it is because the action or word of another has touched a fear in you... amazing... when I take the "personal" out of it... I realize that it is not about me... it is how others are dealing with their own stuff! It's not about me... lol... it's is really about them...
The book talks about how, in our fears... we buy into what others may think about us... we make an "agreement" to see ourselves this way...

This man wrote this book 12 years and he used exact words that I have said to myself and to my therapist when I was in group! He talked about how we "self-abuse", ( ok...I would say that I beat myself up)... and that we find ourselves in relationships with people who will "abuse" us only as much as we "abuse" ourselves... when the "abuse" becomes more than what we give ourselves... that is when we end those relationships... In the case of my marriage... I cannot tell you how true that statement is... I felt that I was "worthy" of only a small amount of love, respect, affection, within the confines of my marriage... but when it fell below what I was willing to settle for.. only then did I do something about it... I had never told anyone how I felt in my marriage until I realized that I was lower than our family dog on the affection scale... and my husband did not like our dog, at that point I finally confided to a friend... and used those exact words..."I feel lower than the dog"... yes... I had made an "agreement" with my husband... I accepted it and it wasn't until his "non love" of me was greater than my own "non love" of myself...that I was willing to start the end of the marriage...I could no longer "accept the agreement"... I had to ask the question that precipitated the end... It was the fact that he finally offered even less than what I was willing to accept could I finally see the end...

The second item that came back to me was his talk of the "masks" that we wear to try to hide who we really are because we are afraid... afraid that people won't like us... accept us... find us worthy...it is what we hide behind because we are not sure of ourselves... we have "agreed" to see ourselves as less... In my group I called it "my veneer"...the face I wanted to present to the world... I always thought of it as my protection... but now maybe it has not been protection at all... maybe it has kept me from living as I would like... maybe it is an "agreement" I accepted out of fear and it has kept pain and fear locked in...

What would happen if I had a new "agreement" with myself... what if I "agreed" to... "be impeccable in my words" and "not take things personally"...wow... Powerful Words...