So I have spent the day indoors watching the snow... not a heavy snow... but a wispy snow...... low hanging clouds... no mountain tops to be seen... not too much accumulation... just enough to want to stay indoors drinking my chamomile tea, doing the sunday ny times crossword puzzle, and watching a rerun of the HBO concert on the mall...
Just as a good book stays with me... so do good movies I have seen and while I don't see too many in the theaters these days... I saw a great one last night that has stayed with me... Slumdog Millionaire. What a fabulous movie... a great story and the way it was told was fantastic... It has kept me thinking about it thru this day... This young man... thru much adversity... finds what he has been looking for... how each piece of his life, enabled him to get to the next place...
I feel that I have started the new year on a bit of a melancholy note...maybe I'm just depressed... but today... I realized something... I know what I want in life... but like so many of my old habits... I seem to seek what I want in the exact way that has never, NEVER worked for me! This is an amazing revalation to me... lol... I moved 2000 miles from my home to seek a new start... I had an accident that has forced me to look at how I act and interact... and while I know and have said sooo many times... I need to seek out... I need to ask for help.. I need to let go... I realized today... over a pot of tea, the sunday times, the concert, the thoughts about the movie... that I still seek that which won't work... which never worked...lol... how funny is that... it's not enough to know what you need to... the trick is to break out of the old habits... it's not that I don't ask... I still ask in the wrong place...I'm still hitting that brick wall... I still go about it in ways that don't bring satisfaction or happiness... yes ... I am still seeking the same thing...but now my sights are away from the brick wall... maybe I can go around it... over it... maybe in realizing that ... I can find the door.... or maybe realizing that a move doesn't change old patterns... it will take more than that... maybe realizing that in all areas of my life, I was looking in the wrong place... I keep going back an old pattern... an old way/habit... and then when it doesn't work... I feel bad about myself... well... NO MORE... now that I realize that... as hard as it may be... I will ask in a different way... in a different place... it seems so apparent and simple... I can't believe I never saw it before...
I read an article about changing habits... creating new one takes 31 days... creating new neuro pathways... can I change my life in 31 days? Well... maybe it will take longer... maybe less... but a new life is coming...
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