Great Expectations

Expectations are funny things... We all have them... we use them all the time... but as I sit here in my convalescence, I realize that there is a distinct difference between expectations and acceptance... Expectations I believe, are what we should use in predicting how actions should go, or in math, or, for example... "if I don't water my plant... my expectation is that it will die"... Those are the instances to use "expectations". But I have finally come to realize that one should never.... I repeat never, use expectations when dealing with people... What we should use when dealing with our friends, family, is "acceptance".
My confusion regarding these two ideas is long standing... I used expectations constantly in my marriage... I honestly thought, because I behaved in a certain manner, that my partner would behave in a certain way as well... I had EXPECTATIONS, about "who he was", how he would behave, how our lives would go. It was like resting my head against a what I thought was a comfy pillow and wondering why it's hurting. When my expectations were taken away, I discovered that it was a brick wall ... Hmmmmm... I kept thinking during all our struggles...why would you behave this way.... this isn't what I was "expecting"?! Once I took away my expectations.... I could see there was not a comfy pillow.... but indeed a brick wall.... No wonder my head was sooo sore! Once I took away my expectations, I could see the man for "who he really was.... and most importantly, not who I really wanted him to be"...I can now accept "who he is". It doesn't mean I like it, or was not hurt by it.... It just means... I understand...Oh those tricky "expectations".
But, still I get confused by them... I really want things to be how I "expect" them to be... and what I again realize... It's not about "Expectations" it's about "Acceptance"... I recognize my own confusion with this in regards to friends... I have "expectations" and then when it doesn't go in the way I expect... I am left feeling so hurt....So much so... that I have been forced to look at this again... That darn brick wall disguised in my "expectations" as a pillow....
And what I have seen in re-examining this, is that I am the one responsible for filling my needs, not my friends, or family, or my cats, but me... I know what my needs are. If someone does not meet my "expectations" well..I'm hurt and miserable and teary and blaming ... ICK...but what if... I just "accept" who they are and what they have to offer.... hmmmm.... will I still be hurt?... maybe... but then I know what to do... I will find another way to fill my need...and not put it on someone else to fill my need... yes....I may hurt some... but in acceptance, I can see "who is whom" and "what is what"... I can see that I am the one who is responsible for me and my feelings.... and the benefit is... I still have friends and family to turn to....
Yes... I think I'll go with "Acceptance" and save those "Expectations" for something else....