Year Plus in Review

I have spent the morning doing what has become my "norm" since my accident... Reading the small hometown newspaper, drinking my coffee, checking my email... but today...I added something different... today, I reread my blog from the beginning...It was fun to read about my journey... yes... I really do enjoy driving... yes... I did enjoy that journey... figuring out where to go, what to see, how to get there... I really loved seeing the west unfold before me... I can now acknowledge that I was lonely and a little scared at times about being so "truly alone" out there, but ... for the most part... I have come to love that journey...It was a personal triumph for me...
It was interesting reading back about my struggles once I arrived in Boulder with todays eyes...knowing what I walked into at my brothers home... knowing that I would find and make some friends here...
But as I sit here, broken leg throbbing because it's been down way too long, I wonder about the other things I've struggled with...and what I have come to realize that they are the things I struggled with always... not just here in beautiful Boulder, CO...but also back in good ole Gaithersburg, MD.
My struggles have always been the same... The biggest difference here, is that I and I alone, created this... I made something that I have felt for a long time, real... true... physical... I gave it the physical distance...I left my comfortable physical place... a place where I had lots of friends and contacts, but internally struggled with "where do I fit" and "I feel so alone", for a physical distance....separation....
I was going to ask the question "why"... but I long ago have discarded that question... there are never any answers to "why"...The real question in my mind, knowing what I know, is how do I move forward.... this is and always has been a journey of self discovery... creation of a life... I look back and read that I was asking those questions in the beginning... saying "I'm open"... crying about losses...but that is not new to me... those have always been my questions and responses...
So truth be told... after one year plus and an injury that has kept me relatively housebound for 13 weeks, I realize that the place changed... struggle still the same....maybe with more open eyes... and soul...Given all this new found free time... I had the opportunity to really look at the reading of my Medicine cards... and it's amazing how true they were about me... sooo...from my cards...
message 1- create, create, create... in all areas of life... I hold the key to all of it...How true that is; not just for me, but for everyone... But I came across the country to create something new in my life... so I am ... "on the road" to something new...
message 2-this journey really is about my own self discovery...yep, sure is...
message 3-find joy....be grateful for blessings... always...
message 4- in order to find peace... walk thru life gently...
message 5- set boundaries... find them, acknowledge them...embrace them... do not use them to hide... it is the key to finding yourself and joy...wow... this is something I have always struggled with!...
message 6- transform... adapt...
message 7-learn to receive, accept gifts...learn to nurture oneself as you would others....
As I went thru the book exploring the meaning of each card in my reading, I was struck at how like me and relevant each of those cards were to my life and journey... I had the book and cards in my possession for a long time, but had not really looked at them until my injury.... I'm so grateful I finally did...
So as I walk thru this new journey that I have created; I will keep in mind the lessons of my medicine cards... Powerful tools on this journey...