visits from home

My daughter is here for a visit and while we haven't lived in the same home for quite a while, she is home to me... home is where the heart is... Anyway.. it's so fabulous to have her here... and show her some of my new home... she hasn't been out here since she was a young girl. .. And she brought me treats from the east... James Salt Water Taffy from Atlantic City (oh the memories of being a young girl in AC) and coffee from the Italian market.

7/6/07

Ali and I were a whirlwind of activity while she was here... up mountains, down mountains, climbing mountains, Shakespeare outdoors, cirque de solieau, pearl street, fireworks ( natural and man-made) , tours of Coors and Celestial Seasons (ahhh the mint room-brings tears to my eyes)... Ali put it best..."You are showing me everything, like you're worried I won't come back for another visit"... kinda true...lol... but I think she had fun and really could see what draws me to this place....people and surroundings.... and I do believe she will come back for another visit... she is my heart and home... what a fabulous woman she is!

As time goes by....

Well... I've been in Boulder for 6 weeks, left G'burg 2 weeks before that, and sold my home 2 weeks before that....so it's been a while since:
a) I've seen my stuff
b) since I've had a home
but time has a way of easing some pains, playing with one's memory, and also tugging on your heart.
I'm continuing to explore Boulder and am enjoying the "great outdoors" and weather here.
4 weeks and 6 days... I took my first hike up the mountain in Chatacqua...Rusty had said climb Royal Arch and take a picture... so I did.... Amazing!!!... from the top you can see all the way to Denver (about 25 miles away)... on a really clear day... (the first hike) you can see the airport , which is even farther. The arch itself is pretty amazing and it makes you wonder how 2 massive sand stone structures can be linked together like that... met at the exact angle to create that arch millions of years ago....it's just beautiful... the climb itself, as I have learned, is of moderate difficulty, due to the rise in altitude in the mile it takes to reach the arch... just over 1200 feet. so it can be steep in some places... My first hike up, took 2 1/2 to 3 hours... and just about an hour on the way down... I was incredibly sore for the next 3 days! lol... but I made it to the top! I did send a couple of pictures to Rusty and he didn't know who they were from! He called my cell... asked "who is this?" "I thought someone was sending me pictures from an airplane..." I did the hike again this past week and am not as sore..actually.. I'm not sore... and I improved my time by an hour on the way up and 20 mins on the way down! The weather this past week was weird.. we had a huge wind storm ... 100 mile an hour winds... all night long... power went out here and also at work.... just strange... but I also had a hard week emotionally... I'm lonely...
Sometimes I feel like I'm in "no mans land" I can't go home again... and I haven't quite made it here... I'm not much of a "joiner"... but I will have to do something to meet people... I just don't know what yet.... for now ... I'm just going to continue to do the things I like... I'll go hiking... I bought a trail book and map... this city is just filled with trails! I will join a gym... I'm moving to my new temp place on Friday... I think I'm going to buy a bike and I can bike to work and around... I am soooooooo looking forward to Alison coming out for a visit! That is keeping me going. I just can't wait to share the town with her and spend time with her. To see someone that I love and someone that loves me... that is something I truly miss...
My head knows that this is an adventure for me, a time to grow, discover... I can see and acknowledge that this is a blessing for me... I will and am growing as a person... but my heart... ahhh.... that's a different scenario... It's breaking... or maybe not breaking... it's broken... and I haven't been able to fix it, or patch it, or just rebuild yet... Maybe that's the thing... that's the lesson to learn.. how to do it "myself" ... I'm looking for a friend... a kind word... a playmate... someone to hang with... maybe the lesson is "do it on your own" or "learn to nurture and care for me and my own heart as I would for someone else"... hmmmm.... either way...
this is what I do know.... the mountains make me smile... the vastness of the sky makes me smile... the intensity of the weather... makes me smile... the smallness of the town... makes me smile... a good hike ... makes me smile...
so I think those things are a good start....

4 weeks + 1 day-possibilities

I think I have to revise something from my last entry. It is not Friendship that I miss.. I have that ... I mean I have many wonderful friends that I keep in touch with... so I did misspeak (lol... if that's a word) I miss companionship... that is really more of it... I miss the "hey what are you doing tonight? do you want to _____ fill in the blank... But here is thing that I realized as a new day dawned... I have felt that way for a long, long, long time... Terry and I would debate the idea of companionship often... For me, it feels like a void in my soul....Sure, I could "cover up" the void in any number of ways...I would call, go, do, and then the void was ignored or I was distracted from it for a while... but I was none the less trying to "fill the void". Here, so far from familiar surroundings, I can't distract myself from it... It is here, it exists, it is mine... and I feel it, there are no distractions from it. I believe in so many ways, it was the impetus of the journey... So I think the answer is to maybe embrace it, care for it, nurture it... heal... and then "live as if"... as if everything I've wanted is already here... Just that thought makes me smile....I believe it is my blessing... it is the thing that will "take me to the next place in my life"
Here is a new day... the sky is a brilliant Boulder Blue, the clouds are big and puffy, people are out and about celebrating ... Bolder Boulder (10K race) is underway, with a variety of performers playing all over town... the mountain trail is there for the hiking... the possibilities are endless... and I am .... thankful for all that is before me and all that brought me here...

4 weeks in Boulder

So... today it's official... 4 weeks in Boulder... In these 4 weeks I have, found a place to live, found a job, tried to do some hiking, found a short term rental to get me thru to my official rental, and have done A LOT of shopping at Target! Boulder is a pretty cool town... I have managed to find my way around... it's small enough to do that... it's small enough that, if you see a unique character in one place... you notice them when you see them again in another place... The Flatirons are beautiful... The front range is breathtaking... each day, as I'm on my way to work, I look to my left, and see these amazing mountains as a back drop to life here... as I sit at the front desk of the DDs office and answer phones, I watch the storm clouds come over the mountains... but... it is lonely... I realized, after the 2nd week, why I was at Target everyday... It's a place that feels familiar to me... It reminds me of home... I can appreciate now, that the journey here, was the easy part... I thought that was the adventure... Nope... this... trying to create a life here, not knowing anyone... is the adventure... and it is the hardest thing I have ever done... Most days, I am excited by the prospect... I am comforted by the sight of the mountains and the sky... I have lunch most days at Whole Foods... and sit out with a book, eat and look at the mountains...But I will admit, I have had my breakdowns... I'm a social creature... I know that about me... I like people, I like time alone as well... but I also need social interactions... and that is just not here yet... Back home I had the choice of whether to be alone or not... here...no choice... alone it is... Maybe that's part of the test... to see if I really can "be alone" maybe that's what I need to prove to myself... I can "be alone", I can create a life that is mine... hmmmm.... well I am optimistic... most days... but after 4 weeks... the beauty of the mountains, the clear sky... the crisp air... is great... but ... I miss my life... I miss my friends... I miss people to go out with... I have driven across 2/3-3/4 of the country myself... I've learned to go to dinner alone... I've learned to go sight seeing alone... I've learned to go to festivals and fairs alone... I haven't learned to go to a bar alone yet... but I find that I miss doing those things with a friend. I miss conversations with friends... thank goodness friends from home still do call me... so I still have those conversation... I hope they don't dwindle all together... I have a great opportunity to explore here, and I am doing that, this is something totally new... and I do believe new is good... but as my brother said to me... "You're a homey... get out and have fun!" I realize that I am a homey... and I'm trying to get out and have fun... but ... I miss FRIENDSHIP!! I didn't realize how hard that would be for me. I thought that I'm an outgoing person... I would make friends... and I feel positive that I will... but... not yet... not in 4 weeks...
so while I feel like I've accomplished alot in these 4 weeks... there is sooo much more to go...
I have faith that it will come... I'm open to the possibilites of the world... I recognize that I can't go home... that I'm out here to create a home ... a life... I'm in a funny, in between place at the moment... A woman without a home... without a place to belong to... I feel it's out there waiting for me... I know it... I just have to find it... I just have to make it... or maybe... I just have to be and allow it to come to me...
4 weeks in Boulder... more to come

Santa Fe

Santa Fe was really beautiful....the drive from Albuquerque was beautiful... the mountains were beautiful, the sky was beautiful... that word just seems to become trite when trying to describe the scenery...but it's funny to look at all the pictures I was taking from the car as I was trying to drive... it just seemed at every turn... beauty was just all around... I arrived in Santa Fe after about an hour on the road from Albuquerque and getting gas and jewelery (lol) at the Santa Domingo Pueblo. I tried to check into the hotel, but the room was not ready yet, so I decided to go to Bandelier National Park...I love National Parks... and this was no exception! It's in the mountains and pine forest, and there are paths to the preserved pueblos. You can see pteroglyphs, kiva's and climb ladders to see inside. It was great... there is also a path that leads to a ceremonial kiva carved into the side of the mountain... there were 3 ladders to climb up 140' ... yikes!! you then reach the top and then climb down into the kiva... it was great... a hard climb for me... but i did it!!! thank goodness i was wearing a hat, so I could only see the next rung... i couldn't see up and I certainly wasn't looking down until I reached the top!! It took awhile to catch my breath once I reached the top.. I didn't realize till the next day, that Santa Fe is at an elevation of 7,00o'. So it wasn't entirely that I am sooo out of shape...anyway, after making my way down, (which is almost harder than climbing up), and hiking back to the car... I made my way back to the hotel, showered and went out on foot in search of a marguerita and food.... Ultimately I found both... walked back to the hotel and collapsed!!
I was so sick of being in my car, that the next day, I decided to cancel all the things on my agenday that had to do with driving and just hang out in the town...and it is a great little town... you can shop for hours....on the sidewalk at The Palace of Governors, Native Americans set out blankets with their wares, mostly jewelery, and it was great to browse... I, of course, had to buy a pair of turquoise earrings. They are beautiful... There was a HUGE thunderstorm so I ducked into the museum at the Palace of Governors, and learned a bit of the history of Santa Fe... which is fascinating.. the Palace of Governors was built in 1610 and is the oldest building that is still in continuous use... So many cultural influences there... Spanish... Native American... it was great... I felt bad that I didn't make it to all the places on my list, but I know that I will go back there... It was a very special place...
I found a great Tex Mex place for dinner... A local favorite... the best marguerittas and the food wasn't bad either...lol... instead of chips and salsa on the table tho... they had, not bread, but dough, like a soppapilla (?) with out the sweet... of course ... YUM!
I got up early the next morning.... I wanted to make it to Boulder to see Nick's lacrosse game, so I was in my car at 7:30, but in keeping with the "bad directions in New Mexico, I wasn't on the highway until 8:15. I will admit that at the 40 min mark of being lost, I was getting annoyed... lol. Just as I found a gas station to ask directions, I saw the highway sign...
Entering Colorado from the south is breath taking.... The mountains are amazing! the view is like the one etched ont he quarters... rugged, snow covered... amazing.... and even with getting lost... I made it in time to see 3/4 of the game...
I had arrived!!!

The Road to New Mexico

It was a long, straight road from Oklahoma to New Mexico... You could actually see the point in Oklahoma when the terrain changed from green to desert-like. The land was pretty flat and green in Ok... the soil the color like deep burnt orange, and there was a section where there were alot of windmills... they looked like giant airplane propellers...lol... kind of like a "wind farm" I guess...I kept trying to take pictures of them as I drove....but gradually, by the pan handle of OK, the soil turned lighter and lighter and the lush green grass gave way to what looked like a light covering of green grass... just really a superficial covering of grass. By TX, the green had turned to beige, some green and assorted brush... My original plan was to get boots in Amarillo, but I since I had such a long drive... I just blew thru TX. But soon after passing the largest cross, and Amarillo, I began to see some plateaus... and then by the time I entered NM, the landscape looked like a western movie... the green grass was gone, and the land looked dry and covered with shrubs... tree covered mountains appeared... by Albuquerque, there was a snow covered mountain in the distance! It was beautiful! I had lunch in Tucumcari, NM... I couldn't resist... It was right out of the old Little Feat song, Willin'... "...I've been from Tuscon to Tucumcari..." anyway... I checked my oil and was a bit low... I found a service station on the old historic Rte 66 and had the oil checked... He thought I should wait until a full quart was necessary... I told him I was on my way to CO... asked if I would make it... thougthfully he replied.."I hope so..." lol... I then asked if I could get back on 40 west from here... he looked at me and said ....."I thought you were heading to CO?...that's the wrong way.." lol... he really thought I was a nut!
I made it to Albuerque by 5:00 and found the hotel easily... The city is surrounded by these beautiful mountains. After talking to Linda's friend, I thought maybe I'd check in, wash my face, and head back out for a glass of wine in the "old square" downtown to watch the sunset... I got directions from the desk... and thus began one of my realizations about NM... They give terrible directions! I followed the map...went up and down the streets... and couldn't find any "downtown". I kept thinking... "sheesh.. I've followed a map all the way from Gaithersburg, how come I can't find this?!" There weren't even any signs for the downtown area. I ended up, at....Macaroni Grill...(it was on the map the hotel provided)....lol... and sat outside, had 2(!) glasses of wine and watched the sunset... talked to the waitress about the mountain in front of me and discovered at the peak, there is a tram and you could drive up there... I asked how to get there... she didn't know... (lol)... it was a pleasant evening...
Anyway... this has been a week on the road! I've sure seen a lot... been places I've never been.... done it on my own... It's been exhilarating and sometimes lonely..but all in all a fabulous experience! On to Santa Fe!

Oklahoma...OK...

Day 6- Wednesday- Gosh can that really be? Day 6? Anyway... The drive from Arkansas to Oklahoma was beautiful... While Little Rock was pretty flat, once I crossed the Arkansas River, I could see Pinnacle Mountain. It was surprising to see a mountain peak in the middle of the otherwise flat terrain. The remaining ride was long but lovely... green, rolling hills, the Ozarks in the distance, at least for awhile.... I saw a nuclear power plant along the way. Once I arrived in Oklahoma City, I decided to go to the National Cowboy and Western Heritage Museum. I only had an hour but thought it could be interesting. (They were very serious about closing on time at 5:00 precisely!) It was such a nice museum... It had beautiful paintings of the west... a large collection of Charles Russell and Frederic Remington paintings and sculptures, a large collection of Native American artifacts and paintings, and an exhibit on actors of the west(which I didn't get to see). I don't recall ever seeing or knowing about Charles Russell, he painted (in oil and watercolor), sketched and sculpted. I particularly liked his oils and the sky in all the paintings was so vibrant. Turquoise and purples... the west certainly is very colorful in his paintings! Remington was another surprise for me... I was particularly interested in seeing his black and white oils...I had never seen that before... they were really interesting, shades of gray! The museum also looked like it had a great gift shop, but since I only had an hour... I didn't get a chance to go in...(Drat!) If you ever find yourself here in Okla Cit, I would recommend a visit. The weather that held me up last night and this morning, gave way to blue skies and puffy white clouds, but just outside of Okla City, the clouds became heavy and gray, the wind picked up and now it's really chilly.
Tomorrow I have a rather long day ahead of me... around 525 miles... (actually hotel door to hotel door from AAA it's 541 miles). They say it will take around 7.75 hours. I decided that since tomorrow will be such a long day, I'm going to spend the night in Albuquerque and go to Santa Fe the following morning... so until tomorrow....
Happy Trails!