Year Plus in Review

I have spent the morning doing what has become my "norm" since my accident... Reading the small hometown newspaper, drinking my coffee, checking my email... but today...I added something different... today, I reread my blog from the beginning...It was fun to read about my journey... yes... I really do enjoy driving... yes... I did enjoy that journey... figuring out where to go, what to see, how to get there... I really loved seeing the west unfold before me... I can now acknowledge that I was lonely and a little scared at times about being so "truly alone" out there, but ... for the most part... I have come to love that journey...It was a personal triumph for me...
It was interesting reading back about my struggles once I arrived in Boulder with todays eyes...knowing what I walked into at my brothers home... knowing that I would find and make some friends here...
But as I sit here, broken leg throbbing because it's been down way too long, I wonder about the other things I've struggled with...and what I have come to realize that they are the things I struggled with always... not just here in beautiful Boulder, CO...but also back in good ole Gaithersburg, MD.
My struggles have always been the same... The biggest difference here, is that I and I alone, created this... I made something that I have felt for a long time, real... true... physical... I gave it the physical distance...I left my comfortable physical place... a place where I had lots of friends and contacts, but internally struggled with "where do I fit" and "I feel so alone", for a physical distance....separation....
I was going to ask the question "why"... but I long ago have discarded that question... there are never any answers to "why"...The real question in my mind, knowing what I know, is how do I move forward.... this is and always has been a journey of self discovery... creation of a life... I look back and read that I was asking those questions in the beginning... saying "I'm open"... crying about losses...but that is not new to me... those have always been my questions and responses...
So truth be told... after one year plus and an injury that has kept me relatively housebound for 13 weeks, I realize that the place changed... struggle still the same....maybe with more open eyes... and soul...Given all this new found free time... I had the opportunity to really look at the reading of my Medicine cards... and it's amazing how true they were about me... sooo...from my cards...
message 1- create, create, create... in all areas of life... I hold the key to all of it...How true that is; not just for me, but for everyone... But I came across the country to create something new in my life... so I am ... "on the road" to something new...
message 2-this journey really is about my own self discovery...yep, sure is...
message 3-find joy....be grateful for blessings... always...
message 4- in order to find peace... walk thru life gently...
message 5- set boundaries... find them, acknowledge them...embrace them... do not use them to hide... it is the key to finding yourself and joy...wow... this is something I have always struggled with!...
message 6- transform... adapt...
message 7-learn to receive, accept gifts...learn to nurture oneself as you would others....
As I went thru the book exploring the meaning of each card in my reading, I was struck at how like me and relevant each of those cards were to my life and journey... I had the book and cards in my possession for a long time, but had not really looked at them until my injury.... I'm so grateful I finally did...
So as I walk thru this new journey that I have created; I will keep in mind the lessons of my medicine cards... Powerful tools on this journey...

Washington Withdrawl

Autumn officially begins on Monday, but here in Boulder, fall is in the air... The Aspens are beginning to turn, the nights are crisp and cool, the days are bright and blue, but have a hint of chill. Fall may be my favorite time of year here... altho, I'm sure I say that each new season is my favorite here... lol...
In addition to fall, the political season is in full swing... CO is a swing state so both candidates have flooded our airwaves with ads... the most vicious ads tho are the ones for the politicians running for Congress and Senate... they are brutal.... did you know that just stating that someone comes from Boulder is enough to condem them with the Republican party... well in the ad running against Mark Udall, it headlines with "Boulder liberal"... ahhh the sleeze is running thick here... and I have found myself addicted to MSNBC; Chris Matthews, Keith Olberman, and Rachel Maddow... I love it... I really hope that there are enough intelligent, concerned, empathetic, aware citizens here (not just in the boulder bubble) that will realize the situation our country is in and vote for Obama...
But election time is one of the things I miss about not being in Washington. I loved that politics was the news of the day... That elections were not just relegated to the national news but were also staples of the local news...especially now during this election and the financial crisis... I miss my Washington fix.... I'm sure that in Washington, the local news has said where each candidate is on any given day... and how they were received and what people were saying ... how they presented themselves... etc... here...not so much... lol... we certainly get alot of ads, but nothing of any real substance... I have tried to feed my Washington fix by logging on to the Post, but alas ... it's just not the same on line as it is in print... So thank goodness for cable and MSNBC.... if I can't be in the 'burbs of DC... at least I can feed my fix somehow...

PT - physical therapy or physical torture....hmmmm

Yes ... I began physical therapy today... I thought it would just be some exercises to strengthen or redevelop some muscles that have atrophied; hence preparing me for walking in about 3 weeks... Well.... I guess that was happened... and really nothing that I did was painful... what became extremely apparent is ... HOW LITTLE I can do... and after my hour of this... how physically exhausted I was... bend your leg... hmmmm ... how do I do that... lay on your stomach and bend your knee... hmmmm... well.. I can tell you... my face... my upper body... my abs... my gluts... they were all straining... how much of a bend did I do? Hardly anything... and since I could not see... or feel... I had no way of measuring my success... All the exercises I have been doing have helped some... but the reality is my ankle does not move well... my quads... hmmm... virtually non-existant... calf..... not good... The therapist was great... but what I have come to realize is .... the surgery was only the beginning... this is really the long haul.....

The Healing Process

It is funny to think about the progress that I have made since that fall 9 weeks ago, and how the body heals....It is a miraculous process...In the beginning, I had a hard time doing anything.... everything I did took time.... it hurt... I was cautious...I was taking baby steps... but as the weeks progressed... I have made such progress... yes... it still takes a lot of time to do things... but it has become second nature... I can get up and down the stairs... I can shower... I can make coffee ( and here is the remarkable part; it is that not only can I make coffee... but I have figured out a way to carry my coffee and drink it wherever I want! Yay!)... I can drive... I have also become accustomed to my limitations... I can only drive for 1 hour... I can only sit with my leg down for 2 hours... I need to go upstairs before I get too tired... I can clean my bathroom, but cannot push my vacuum...But with the recognition of my healing and my limitations, I feel independent... I feel like I can manage on my own...I feel like I'm on the road to getting my life back...
I am so grateful for the friends and family that walked me through this hard time to get me to this point.... They bolstered my spirits...made meals... supported my baby steps... cried with me... gave me comfort when I couldn't see past the immediate... prayed with me and for me... sent their love and healing thoughts my way... It fills my heart and soul...and gave me inspiration... it still does...
My parents left yesterday and independent living began again... I have the quiet of my home... I have my cats... I can listen to the radio...sing at the top of my lungs... yes... independent living can begin at any age... but I know that I have the love and support of so many... independent living doesn't mean living alone... and through this injury I recognize the difference.
That is truly the healing process at it's best and most remarkable!

withdrawal?

I am currently experiencing a sort of withdrawal. I have developed a sort of routine during my convalescence... In the evenings, after dinner, I cozy down on the couch, with a glass of wine, and for 2 weeks watched the Olympics... it was great... I enjoyed watching things that I would not have normally watched... Then when the Olympics ended, I watched with great enjoyment the Democratic convention... 4 nights of political speeches...knocking George Bush and the Republicans... I was in heaven... well ...
Now what?! The Olympics have ended... No more convention....What am I to do! Yes... I am definitely experiencing withdrawal.

Senior Citizen in Training

Talking to a friend the other night and discussing what I can and can't do... and what hurts and doesn't hurt... I felt like I was sounding like an "old lady"... but she then, realizing my age, she remarked... "you could be a senior citizen in training!" So bring me my walker... lol.... Senior citizen in training! I hope my training lasts a long, long time... lol

Summer Daydreams....

Well there isn't much to do...I sit...I doze... I watch TV... I read... I do crossword puzzles... but my favorite...is to sit, watch my little hummingbirds and daydream... My latest daydream came about as a result of my sister-in-law's latest venture... she has recently decided that she would like to sell baked goods and homemade soups... I have always wanted to open a coffee shop... what if we could combine the two.... wouldn't that be fabulous!! We could sell her delicious baked goods... have lunches of homemade soups... Alison came up with the idea of adding tea selections and importing Anthony's chocolates from the Italian market... ahhh... the dream continues.... comfy chairs... wifi... board games... books... newspapers... a great neighborhood place to just hang out...
ahhh... the beauty of summer day dreams!